I have been standing at the edge of an ocean watching the waters turn and roll more with each passing day. I know what is about to come and have tried to ready myself for what I can not control. I have been strong and put on a fearless front for those watching me from a distance, watching me watch the waters. There have been many before me who have been in this very position and have felt the fear and the power of the impending waves about to form. The waves that will come regardless of how prepared I think I am for them. 
And then today, as I got my feet wet from the first roll of water onto the shore, I felt my strength and composure start to shake. Hold on I tell myself.......be strong for those who need it most, for those who depend on you. And then all of the sudden the wave is 20 feet high and crashing down upon me. My face is wet from tears and my chest is aching from the breath I have been holding for so long. At last the wave of despair has hit me and I am saddened and weakened once again. As the water washes over me and I feel lost and confused.....I am crying out to my Savior once more.......Hold me tight and breathe Your everlasting peace into my lungs.... please give me enuff of Your strength, O Lord, that I may see your glory in this once again.... don't let the waves keep me under. I desperately need You to calm the waters of my soul for the millionth time again today. I need You to save me.
Dear friends,
In case you didn't know my dearest love Wesley is now gone. What I wrote above is how I can best describe the turmoil of my heart right now. I miss him more than I thought I would. I can't look at his car or our bed or any of his things laying around the house without tears rolling down my cheeks. I miss him so much already. I thought that I'd be able to be strong this second deployment but it seems that the waves are bigger than I remember. Pray for us. Especially for him because he is gone away from the comfort of home and all of his family plus dealing with the emotional issues of being torn from his loved ones.
I LOVE YOU WESLEY!
And then today, as I got my feet wet from the first roll of water onto the shore, I felt my strength and composure start to shake. Hold on I tell myself.......be strong for those who need it most, for those who depend on you. And then all of the sudden the wave is 20 feet high and crashing down upon me. My face is wet from tears and my chest is aching from the breath I have been holding for so long. At last the wave of despair has hit me and I am saddened and weakened once again. As the water washes over me and I feel lost and confused.....I am crying out to my Savior once more.......Hold me tight and breathe Your everlasting peace into my lungs.... please give me enuff of Your strength, O Lord, that I may see your glory in this once again.... don't let the waves keep me under. I desperately need You to calm the waters of my soul for the millionth time again today. I need You to save me.
Dear friends,
In case you didn't know my dearest love Wesley is now gone. What I wrote above is how I can best describe the turmoil of my heart right now. I miss him more than I thought I would. I can't look at his car or our bed or any of his things laying around the house without tears rolling down my cheeks. I miss him so much already. I thought that I'd be able to be strong this second deployment but it seems that the waves are bigger than I remember. Pray for us. Especially for him because he is gone away from the comfort of home and all of his family plus dealing with the emotional issues of being torn from his loved ones.
I LOVE YOU WESLEY!
3 comments:
Our God is a God of peace and order and he will get ya'll through this! I can't even imagine the hurt or turmoil you are feeling and we will definitely pray for all of you! It was so good to see all of you at Christmas! Let us know how Wes is doing periodically so we can know what to pray for specifically! He will get you all through this!! Love you!
How do Zoe and Emi like their heart pj's?
Actually they are sleeping in them right now. They both love them. Emi likes counting the hearts......and thanks for the prayers.
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