A Note from Mama

I received this note card from my mama 8-9 yrs ago sometime after I lost my Noah. I read it periodically. It reminds me how much I am loved and now that I have kids, I can relate to the depth of feelings. God also loves us like this....and for that I am eternally grateful.

Being your mother means that I have had the opportunity to experience loving someone more than I love myself. I have learned what it's like to experience joy and pain through someone else's life.

It has brought me pride and joy; your accomplishments touch me and thrill me like no one else's can. It has brought me a few tears and heartaches at times, but it has taught me hope and patience. It has shown me the depth, strength, and power of love.

Being your mother hasn't always been easy, and I'm sure I've said and done things that have hurt or confused you. But no one has ever made me as satisfied as you do just by being happy. No one has made me as proud as you do just by living up to your responsibilities.

No one's smile has ever warmed my heart like yours does; no one's laughter fills my heart with delight as quickly as yours can. No one's hugs feel as sweet and no one's dreams mean as much to me as yours do.

Memories of bad times have miraculously turned into important lessons or humorous stories; the good times have become precious treasures to relive again and again.

You are part of me, and no matter what happened in the past or what the future hold, you are someone I will always accept, forgive, appreciate, adore, and love unconditionally.

Being your mother means that I've been given one of life's greatest gifts. YOU!

The world of a child

I am watching my 4 year old daughter playing in the sand. Digging. Patting. Pressing. Molding. Trying to shape and control the sand and never quite getting it the way or where she wants it. She begins burrying her feet. Scooping one handful of the warm gritty sand over her toes, then her ankles, then up to her shins and knees. She isn't worried about anything. Wondering how she is going to get all of the sand out of the secret places it likes to hide, is not even a thought in her mind. She is just enjoying being a child. No obligations. No responsibilities. No worries. No time crunches. Her mama, her protector is near watching for any dangers so there is no need, no place for worry here in the sand.
But life isn't always safe or worry-free and soon something invades her peaceful enjoyment and is face to face with her. Very literally, a giant flying insect is in her personal space and safety zone flying right in front of her nose, hovering there as if trying to figure out what she is and what she is going to do. But all my sweet child can see is fear and the potential harm that may come. Her eyes widen and her breathing is gettin more labored. Panic is taking over my pint sized angel and tears are beginning to fall.
"MOM! MAMA! ITS TRYING TO GET ME!" She screams.
So with calmed assurance I tell my daughter that it is okay. "It doesn't want to hurt you. But if you are scared run down to the water and jump in. It won't follow you there."
And once again, the trust in her protector's voice proves true. As soon as she listens to the guidance of her mother the fear flies away and she can resume with her digging in the sand, lost in the world of a child. A world of discovery.

Molding and Kneading

Walking along the "beach" of the lake here at Altus, Ok, I notice that it's mainly just a few yards of sand with several large rocks. Or maybe they are boulders. What's the difference between a rock and a boulder?.....size....location?...

The ripples in the sand under the surface of the waves that ever roll onto the shore are beautiful. The curvy lines, the consistent pattern are awing. As I walk along the shore, the smoothness yet up and down feel from the waves feels strange to my bare feet. The summer warmth, yet cooling effect of the water has always amazed me in the heat of the summer sun.

My daughters and I walked across a patch of grayish green clay at the edge of the shore just under the waves that beat tenderly against the earth. The slimy substance wasn't very appealing. But I grabbed a handful of it and began molding and kneading it in my hand. "What can I make with this clay?" I thought to myself. What could I make that could possibly have any significance? I began to play with and shape the clay and my hands just naturally took over. The clay started to resemble a heart. Nothing fancy or perfect, but it actually looked like a heart. Not the one in the body, mind you, but the commercial one known around the world.

As I thoughtfully looked at it, I wondered if God did the same thing when He created the world. Did He start out with a handful of slimy stuff and mold and knead it until He looked at all He had made and said "It is good."? And then I also wondered...IF I am created in His image, He must have a really big mirror! ;D

A year and a half

Been gone too long. We have what....3 more days of 2011. And this will be my first entry for the year. I just wanna say HI and I'm back and hope that I can keep up with this a lil better than I have. Life is busy.
I am gonna share some things that I hav written since i last blogged, so bear with me.