Monday night, unknown to us, our gas meter was hit in the back and we lost gas usage. What an ordeal it has been trying to get the gas company to fix it and get a plumber and inspector over to do their part. We rented a hotel room last night, after 2 days of no bathing, so that we could at least get a hot shower.
The plumber cost more than we were prepared to pay and my poor hubby had to used his truck fund money to pay for it. What a great provider I married. I knew that God would provide for whatever we needed. And even though this has been a big deal and a big hassle the last few days.....it now seems so trivial after hearing what has been going on behind the scenes.
The vehicle that damaged our gas meter and our neighbors in the alley, was reported stolen. With some investigation, and trying to get an accident report for insurance reasons, we have learned that the car that was stolen belonged to a 17 year old girl, who was found dead in her home yesterday. Suicide.
Oh this just weighs so heavy on my heart. And 2 emotions come quickly to the surface.....guilt and sorrow. Sorrow immediately comes because this teenage girl had lost any hope that things could be better or different. Hope that I have securely tucked away in me. Then guilt kicks in as always. I feel guilty for making such a big deal of losing my gas usage, while there was a little girl sitting in her room in the very same town, maybe only blocks away, about to breathe her last breath. And she was wanting that very thing.....no more breaths, no more sorrow, no more pain.
Its tuff being a teenager. I wouldn't do it again. All of the emotions that are new and colliding into one another and not knowing what to do with them. I've been there. Thinking that I would never stop hurting like this, that there was no way that the pain would end.......so why do I have to stay here one minute longer in this misery?
People say that suicide is selfish. And to some point it is. When the darkness surrounds you and you feel alone and scared and are hurting beyond what you think you can bear......its hard, if not nearly impossible, to see the needs or pain of others. Thats when Satan does some of his best work at whispering the lies that "no one really loves you, you will always be miserable, your life doesn't matter to anyone". If we can't see even one glimmer of light, then we can't see the Truth, and will then see no reason to live.
But the hope I have in me, the hope that I have found in the love of my Savior, will always be there....even in the darkness. I have been promised that I won't be given more than I can bear....not more responsibility, not more temptations, and certainly not more pain than I can handle. So when it feels like I can't carry any of it anymore, it is only Satan lying to me and telling me "Jesus is the liar. He doesn't love you. Just look at what you are going thru."
But Satan doesn't understand, that I know.....I KNOW....that my Lord is ALWAYS with me. Circumstances couldn't possibly change who I forever am in Him. This little girl fell for the lies. Did anyone share the Truth of the hope in Jesus with her? Am I sharing my hope in this dark world enuff so that it is shining to those who feel alone and scared and hurting? Am I too selfish to leave my comfort zone long enuff to hold the hand of the lost and unloved so that they don't have to feel hopeless?
There is hope for the hopeless
Rest for the weary,
and Love for the broken heart.
There is grace and forgiveness,
Mercy and healing,
He'll meet you wherever you are....
Just cry out to Jesus.
Cry out to Jesus
song lyrics by Casting Crowns
Life is a journey. Not a race. Each step God is right there with you. I hope that you have faith & confidence that your journey will lead you right into the arms of Jesus. He died to set you free, please accept His gift.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Easter Weekend with Grampa
Wes' dad, Kevin, finally made a trip from North Carolina to visit. What a fun filled weekend it was. Emari and Zoey got to enjoy a "first" with Grampa Kevin at the carnival on Good Friday. Then on Easter Sunday after church we went to Lake Altus/Lugert for a picnic with Subway sandwiches, a little egg hunting and fun on the beach. It was a very memorable time for all of us........oh yeah, and there is a picture of our puppy Copper in there too.
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