Lead Me

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't.
Don't leave me searching for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me, you're willing to fight.
That I'm still the love of your life.
I know we call this our home,
but I still feel alone.

This is the song lyrics to a song by Sanctus Real, that has pulled on the strings of my heart. I'm not sure how a male singer can understand what a wife wants so much from her husband, but it's like he read my heart. Or maybe the writer was reading the heart of God, and wrote what God was giving him to write.

In today's world, I see so much about women equality rights and so many women trying to prove that they can handle the roles of the men. The ladies of this generation are being taught that we should be equal to men in every role on this planet. And as far as significance and human rights, women are equal to men....especially in the eyes of God.

But there are roles and responsibilities of each gender described in the Bible. Men are to be leaders.....in the church and in the home. They are to protect and fight for what is theirs and to love their God and to love their wives. And while the world is screaming for women's rights, the men are being taught that they don't have to take a stand and take the initiative.....women can do for themselves. So chivalry, manners, and propriety have all gone out the window of the world's chaotic house. Guys don't ask girls on a date or to dance anymore, the girls to the initiating.

When there are twisted morals from the beginning, how can marriages be any different. How can we expect our men to be spiritual leaders in our homes, when it is the total opposite of the way we have been taught.

When I was a kid, my dad always sent us to church and was very accepting of anything that was related to the church. But, there are parts of me that wishes he would have come with us on those Sunday mornings.....that he would have been a spiritual leader and taught me and my brothers what is noble and right, and true in God's way of thinking. Don't get me wrong, my dad is a great man and I am truly thankful for the opportunities he gave us as far as learning about God. But deep inside I wanted him to lead me. And maybe that is why I pray so hard for my husband and his leadership in our home. Because I want my girls to have a father that seeks God's advice and will, before he seeks any person's input, and who prays for them each night to seek love in the arms of God and not in the arms of the world.

And as I'm learning more about the heart of God, my views of the world change, and I am realizing more and more that the world has taught me lies. I need my husband to lead me with strong hands and to stand up when I can't. I don't want to look for love in other places, but from him. I want him to fight for me, for my love and not take it for granted. I want to never doubt that I am the true other half of him. I want our home to be filled with the love of God, with our love so that our children can never doubt either, so that they can be secure in who they are instead of chasing dreams. I don't want to feel alone. Alone in our marriage. Alone in raising our kids to love God. And alone in taking a stand against the waves of this world that daily try to crash over our home.

Lead Me!

A stolen quote

"May you never steal, lie, or cheat.
But if you have to steal, steal away my sorrows.
If you have to lie, then lie with me all the nights
of our life.
If you have to cheat, then cheat death because
I don't want to live a day without you."

Stolen for you my sweet husband. I love you Wesley.

Kinie Sue

A few updated pictures of my sweet lil neice. Wow, babies sure grow way too fast. Their little brains absorb so much in such a little time and before you know it they are ready to start pre-k like my baby girl who was only this size yesterday.

This is Mckinnley's first 4th of July........and she snoozes away with aunt Ra Ra

My sweet lil Texas angel.

Blue eyed angel

Aunt Ra Ra is soooo funny!

Emari and Kinie

These next few pictures were taken at the end of May and in June.

Sleeping lil angel baby

Nana and McKinnley

A kiss from one angel to another.

Daddy's lil princess

Oh if she could only stay this sweet forever

McKinnley and her momma

Daddy's weakness

What am I?

Sniff. Sniff. Stop.
Whats that noise? Listen.
Sniff. Sniff. Wait.
What's that smell?
Hey, where did it go?
Sniff. Sniff. Wait.
This is different.
Taste it. Bite it. YUK!
Sniff. Sniff.
Gotta go.
Sniff out the right spot.
Check over there.
Check over here.
Sniff. Sniff. Gotta Go!
OK. Wait.
This might be it.
Sniff. Sniff.
Oh yeah. Squat.
RELEIF!

Remembering Him

I know its the 4th of July and I'm suppose to be thinking about my freedoms and remember what a great country I live in. But well, that is not what has been on my mind lately. This time of the year is always a joyous and happy holiday for everyone I know. And I am happy, really. But tomorrow will be 8 years since I buried Noah. I remember the numbness and the pain. Aren't those suppose to be opposites.....if you're numb how can you feel pain?

I remember the heat of the mid-morning service.....I remember what I wore and I remember my shoes. And I remember little blue carnations that even now remind me of Noah every time I see them. But I don't remember the faces of those who were at the funeral. And I don't remember a word that was spoken that day. I'm sure they were all well meant and heart felt.....but my brain was numb and my heart was still screaming in pain. All of the details get a little fuzzier with each passing year, but the pain and numbness has never been forgotten.

I don't remember my point in writing this, but I do know that pain is temporary and it's personal and it was never meant to be carried alone. There is a God who loves me thru each year of sorrow and holds my heart together when it feels like shattering all over again. There are things I should've done differently back then......well and even now, but each of us has our own roads to follow. And I have learned that I don't want to go down a road where Jesus isn't leading me. I don't want to bear that kind of pain all on my own anymore.....And I don't have to. I know that I am a stronger person and a more devoted mommy now because of the circumstances God has graciously brought me thru. His love has been faithful and constant.....even and especially when I haven't.

Cast your cares upon Him, for he cares for and loves you!

McKinnley Susan Williams

Happy first week birthday to my sweet McKinnley! I didn't know that automatic unconditional love until I got pregnant with Noah. And it grew even more when I had Emari. That first sight and touch of her opened up a world I had only heard about. I didn't know how I could ever love another as much, but then I had Zoey. And instead of dividing in two, my heart just grew bigger for that same kind of unconditional never ending love. And up until a week ago today, I didn't think that it would be possible to love a child with that agape kind of love, that I didn't carry in my womb myself. But the Lord showed me that it is possible and her name is McKinnley Susan Williams.

She weighed 7 lbs and 15 oz. She entered the world in the bright sunshine just after 5 pm on April 28th, 2010. She has a very protective and loving daddy.......who happens to be my brother and a mom who did a great job bringing her into this world.

But its the love from her aunt that perplexes me the most. There is a connection I feel between me and my niece, that is totally unexpected and most amazing. I can only credit God for this precious gift.

Princess Zoey in 2010

What a blessing and joy God has given me in my princess Zoey for the last 3 years. Her smile is contagious and she has an enormous passion for everything she does. She loves and fights with a fierceness that not everyone is gifted with. I've never met another personality just like hers. She can frustrate you and make you laugh, all in the same breath. Zoey has the attitude of an artist/actress, although I wouldn't wish for her the pressure of that career field without a deep understand of her self-worth. She is gonna cause big waves in the the world......both good and bad, but I am counting on God to protect her thur the bad.